| Let's see... |
[09 Jul 2009|12:02am] |
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The Voice: Lisa Kelly |
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Lately I've been feeling a bit down, but here's a basic rundown of my life thus far, I'll extrapolate in the areas I feel need it.
1. On July 4th, I went to work twice, and on the way to work the second time, I was in an accident. This time, the accident probably wasn't my fault, unless I actually did run a red light. Otherwise, the other driver pulling out slowly to make a right turn, at least from what I thought they were doing, hit the back right corner of my car, nicking off some plastic. The front of their car fell off in some weird way from it. I was initially in the left lane, but moved over to the right when I noticed they where pulling out. I will probably be assigned fault for the incident though, since the other driver was 100% certain that I "blew a red light!", as they stated at the scene, and when the cop asked me about it, I said I swear it was green, but I wasn't sure after what they said. My poor insurance rates and parents who have to pay for it. Luckily, my mother doesn't seem angry about it. I'm 100% physically ok, but emotionally it perturbed me.
2. I have a new hairstyle! Check out FaceBook sometime tonight or tomorrow and you will most likely be able to see it. :D
3. By Christmastime this year, I will be a Senior.
4. I am about 80%-95% certain I will take on a Sociology major now that I must choose. I may do more with Spanish, but by far, a degree in Sociology or Social Work is the most employable out of all majors I could choose now.
5. It's lonely living alone, but peaceful. I like my apartment, but it's missing a touch of companionship and someone or people to talk to. Every home needs a family, no matter what that family looks like or how that family is composed. Home is where the heart is, and I hope someday to have a happy one.
6. Speaking of companionship, I am Chris's/Qba's boyfriend again. Go figure. You can break up with a guy, but you can't stop loving him. So I've decided to take responsibility for my own problems, and try to work things out with him. He seems more than willing, and happy that I "saved" him from the other guy he was "dating." We still have some old issues, but I'm learning to raise my expectations of myself and be more independant. I'm going to be even stronger in myself and stick it out, even when he's getting ornery about his personal issues, such as going into a store full of people.
7. I've decided that I'm a cool tone, at least for now. When in direct sunlight, my skin turns a pale white. I could tan and be a warm tone, but I don't have vitamin D deficiency, and the next one will show you why.
8. I now take multivitamins. Aside from containing 100% of the R.D.V. for Vitamin D, it contains 100% of tons of other vitamins, and most of the amount needed for others. Thank you Bryan/Yote for introducing me to the practice! (P.S.: Multivitamins can be very cheap or expensive. Equate Brand is $4.00 at Wal-Mart, and had more Vitamins in it than any other multivitamin brand that I could find.)
9. This is more old news, but I can do a lot of different braiding styles now. I still need practice, but I'm high capable of braiding at this point. (I can even make large cornrows, too.)
10. Tomorrow I will be switching my bank from TCF to Wells Fargo. Tonight I need to fill out and mail my Accident Report.
That's about all for now, toodles everyone!
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| One day I will be free. |
[12 May 2009|11:31pm] |
One day I will be free from you.
My heart will learn its lesson.
And I will fly again.
*lyrics stolen and edited from "Free" from Princess and the Pauper musical*
Now I fear I'll never be, yet soon I will forever be free!
I close my eyes and feel myself fly a thousand miles away.
I could take flight, but would it be right?
My conscious tells me to stay and wait for you.
Duty means doing the things your heart may well regret, but I'll never stop believing that someday, even if only in my dreams, I'll be free.
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| Time to get back into it! |
[06 Apr 2009|08:29am] |
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Overloved: Raven-Symone' |
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Funny how I return to LiveJournal under certain conditions it seems, but without prejudice, I think more posting by yours truly will be occurring for awhile!
A lot of things have happened to me lately. Lots of emotions, lots of experiences, lots of trials and errors, and only a few successes to show for it, the main one being that I haven't lost my mind!
It's both the gift and the curse of having one's natal birth-chart dominated by Air Signs. (In my case, I have lots of Air Signs, an above average amount of Fire Signs, less than average amount of Earth Signs, and few Water Signs. Unfortunately for me, my minimal amount of Water Signs are in very powerful positions in my chart. My Moon is half in Scorpio, and Pluto is fully in Scorpio.)
As for my future success, my main concern is with my major. I've run out of Generals to take, so it's time to pick a major! Here's a list of the current possibilities that are most probable...
- Art
- Theatre
- Creative Writing
- Spanish
- Sociology
- Psychology
- Music
A few others include...
- Dance
- Nursing
- Mass Communications
And majors not in this university...
- Interior Design
- Cosmetology
So, that's a big concern of mine lately, as well as getting registration stuff all figured out and moving into my apartment. I also need to find another job. (My current one is not giving me many hours.)
The next post will contain a bit about what's been happening with my social life... and let me tell you, some of it is quite an emotional roller coaster. I don't really want to talk about it too much since I've discussed it to bits and dust with friends already. However, since it has truly been awhile, I'd better give the important details so there is a more clear idea of where I'm at now. :)
Y'all take care now!
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| I'm feeling a bit down. |
[01 Apr 2009|10:47pm] |
"Numb" - Danforth Taylor, 04-01-2009
I want to cry, but tears won't come.
Sometimes I forget why I'm so numb.
One time too many broken love
Forgetting what dreams are made of
Future's unclear, my body grows older
I am still here, and I feel no bolder
Why I still breath, I'm not really sure
I'd search through my heart, but I can't find it's core
I hold my gem close, I have distant memories
But I am still numb, and have no thoughts that please
I try really hard to not be a drifter
Yet now I still only focus on bitter
Why is life so bitter?
Once I lay down and my body is rested
I'll wake in the morning and try my best and...
I'll press through the day, and hope to get better
But will I just be lying to myself forever?
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| I may edit this entry later. |
[18 Feb 2009|11:56am] |
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2009-February-18
rōmaji (verb) [roh-mah-gee] – the Japanese language as written out, mostly phonetically, using roman characters from the English (or other languages) alphabet. "Rōmaji is vital for English-speaking students who are beginning to learn Japanese. "
2009-February-17
vacuous (adjective) [vackyew-us] – to be empty, numb, or
"I am feeling a bit vacuous due to all of the drama."
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| Whew! |
[17 Feb 2009|08:01pm] |
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2009-February-16
besot (verb) [bi-sought, bee-sought] – to be infatuated/in love with, or intoxicated. "Danforth is besot with desire for a bob and a great man."
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| I have some of these. |
[16 Feb 2009|01:46pm] |
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2009-February-16
laceration (noun) [lass-uh-ray-shuhn] – a cut, wound, or rough, jagged tear; usually severe. “Lacerations in battle often mean the end for a soldier.”
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For the curious ones, while running in flip-flops this weekend in Albert Lea at a truckstop (or gas station), I tripped on the pavement, and tore off the skin and part of the nail on my big toe, scraped the top of my tarsals, and my shin just below my knee.
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| Vegans beware! And an update! |
[15 Feb 2009|01:36am] |
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2009-February-15
turophile (noun) [tuhr-uh-fa-ill] – a connoisseur or lover of cheese. “Vegans are never turophiles, but sometimes vegetarians are.”
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Hey everyone! I hope your Valentine's Day is going ok! Remember, friends, family, and all of your loved ones are important on this day, not just a romantic partner. So make sure you keep everyone involved and show them you care.
As for me, I, for the most part, feel very happy with my friends and family, but my love life ain't so great. And I'm not really sure what's going to happen with it, nor is there much I can do about it at this point, either. It's mostly a big waiting game. Some of the things I could be waiting for half of my friends tell me it could all just be a big lie, too... such a wonderful thought. :(
So, I'm sort of in a lost state of mind. I know there is more to life than a boyfriend or life partner, but being the way I am, not entirely attractive to my own community (which sort of puts me in my own community by myself in a way), well, it just kinda sucks. It's like I can just go out and find people who'd be interested in considering a romance with me. No... with a guy like me, it doesn't happen that way. Maybe if I was in good shape and thin, I might have more chances. Otherwise, it's not true. And shy people don't necessarily count, because they can disappear and surface easily, so even if I did decide to hunt, they'd be very tough to find... and I've noticed I tend to bump heads with shy guys, being as I'm definitely not much of a "keep it to yourself" kind of person.
I just don't know sometimes. Tonight a transsexual man (biological woman) came up to me, and I guess might have been flirting with me. (I'm currently at the MBLGTACC in Bloomington, Indiana. I was at a pride dance.) So, I guess the more I think about it, the more I'm tempted to start becoming "a man," simply because I'm sick of being viewed as a clown or someone who is cute, lively, animated, and fun to be around, but "not my type" sort of thing. I WANT guys to be attracted to me. I'm afraid of what it entails though. Does it mean I have to give up my long hair? Give up my tight jeans? No more earrings? Grow facial hair?
I'm talking with an old friend right now. And she's telling me not to change a thing, and that it would be a waste of time trying to change myself on something like outward appearance to make someone else happy. It's not worth it, and you'll only end up unhappy. She thinks I look fine the way I am.
Chris Crocker and B.Scott would have said the same thing. Love yourself and look the way you want to look. If someone has the nerve to tell you how you should be, or withhold affection because you don't look a certain way, they aren't worth your time, or you need to find someone else who wants to be with you for you and the whole package you are. Looks, personality, image, beliefs, ideals, identity, all included.
So, maybe fewer guys like the whole "girly-boy" thing. But I'm happy this way. And you know what? I'm sick of hearing about how guys hate "stereotypical" gays. I'm not even a stereotypical gay guy. I'm a girly-boy damnit, not a twink. I like scrunchies. I like fitted jeans and colorful t-shirts. I like being cute and wearing black eyeliner and mascara. I like fun earrings. I like plucking, tweezing, threading, and waxing my eyebrows. I like shopping. I like fashion and makeup.
I also like boy things, too, lol. I'm not 1-dimensional. My point is that I am what I am. And maybe I'll have to sacrifice having an awesome relationship for it. But until it becomes a real issue, I'm not going to change a thing. I'd rather find a guy who loves me for me.
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[14 Feb 2009|01:07am] |
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2009-February-14
gallimaufry (noun) [gal-uh-maw-free] – a hodgepodge group of many diverse things. “The gay community is a colorful and fabulous gallimaufry.” 2009-February-13
haptic (adjective) [happ-tick] – of or relating to the sense of touch. “The boy was very haptic when he flirted with me.”
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| A clique of prarie dogs!? |
[12 Feb 2009|12:57am] |
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2009-February-12
coterie (noun) [koh-tuh-ree] – a group of closely relating/intimate people, a group of people who associate with each other regularly, a clique, or a group of prarie dogs that occupy a communal burrow. “In high school, most students are part of at least one coterie.”
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| Who knew? |
[11 Feb 2009|12:39am] |
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2009-February-11
cynosure (noun) [sih-nuh-shoor] – something meant to draw/demand lots of attention, meant to be the center of attention, or something that provides direction. “Cher is a cynosure in the gay community.”
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[10 Feb 2009|12:08am] |
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music |
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Jyosei Kashimashi Monogatari: Morning Musume |
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2009-February-10
clapperclaw (verb) [clap-er-claw] –to scratch or fight with fingernails/claws, sometimes to scold or revile verbally. “The cats will clapperclaw anyone that annoys them.”
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| Judge Judy Inspired! |
[09 Feb 2009|11:10pm] |
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2009-February-09
untoward (adjective) [uhn-toe-word] – unfavorable, unfortunate, inappropriate, or perverse. “Unless the cop says something untoward to you, there is no reason to complain.”
(I heard Judge Judy use this word when she was explaining to a girl that the way the cop treated her was not untoward, and that she had no right to complain.)
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| 3 New Words! |
[08 Feb 2009|12:32am] |
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2009-February-08
soliloquize (noun) [suh-lihl-luh-kwaize] – to talk to yourself. “If you soliloquize in public, someone might mistake you for being crazy.” 2009-February-07
logorrhea (noun) [law-guh-ree-uh] – the act of playing with words and/or creating new words. “It’s not wise to use logorrhea while speaking to professionals; they might misunderstand you.” 2009-February-06
adscititious (adjective) [ad-sih-tish-uhs] – from the outside, not from the source, irrelevant or unrelated. “Gossip is created when other people’s judgment of a situation is based on adscititious information."
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| ... |
[05 Feb 2009|02:08pm] |
My illness progressed over the night and the course of today. I've been coughing a lot, lots of sinus drainage, pressure in my nose, forehead, and eyes, tired, despite getting about 8 hours of sleep.
I don't want another sinus infection right now.
And my boss seems to have "forgotten" that I can't work Wednesdays anymore. So I missed a shift last night, and I'm supposed to tell him that I'm not supposed to work Wednesdays AGAIN, even though I told him before and gave him a note which he says he got, and the week before the schedule fit perfectly with mine.
Maybe he thought it was a one-time thing.
My hair is incredibly damaged and I can't get more than 1 or 2 days of "decent hair" before it gets horrific. While I accept full responsibility for that fact, it may be time for me to invest in a silk hair wrap or something, hair gel, and whatever else I can find, to keep my hair tamed.
With a breakup on my mind as well as other stresses and lots of uncertainty about the future, I may just go to bed even earlier than last night. (12:15 am)
I'm sick of scheduling repetitive doctor's appointments to go through the whole damn discussion about "Oh, you THINK you have a sinus infection? What are you symptoms? Blahblahblah..." I understand that doctors are required to go through that process to give out the power-drugs, but in my case, it's a waste of time, especially considering the drugs that I've been given by clinics outside of my hometown are quite mild in my opinion.
Some days I'm just ready to give it all up. I'm sick of my stuffy, poorly ventilated, communal bathroom with a laundry room to match.
(coughing, sniffles, eyes water up) <--- This is actually happening as we speak.
Also to top it all off, I'm on Academic Probation. While again, this is something I accept full responsibility for, it's just one more terd in the toilet to worry about.
Chris tells me to worry about me and let him take care of things. I've been pretty much doing that for the past 3 weeks. He is now almost 100% absent from my life. Thanks a lot, Chris, the moment I let you be the one in control of the relationship, we don't really have one anymore.
Once again, a breakup is in order. He obviously has little drive or excitement for me, and though there are reasons that I should have conducted a breakup before because of ways I've felt, it's become obvious from his end that he should have realized it, too.
(sighs deep) I'm not angry with him. I'm frustrated with the situation... and the fact that it all rests on my shoulders. It's time to be done with it.
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| Double Word Day! |
[04 Feb 2009|09:52pm] |
(PS: This is actually meant for tomorrow, but due to illness, I will be going to bed early tonight.)
Every once in awhile, I just can't help myself! The only thing more fun than learning new words is learning how to use them together in the same statements!
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2009-February-05 (Double Word Day) lascivious (adjective) [luh-sihv-ee-uhs] – pertaining to lustful or sexual desires, prone/inclined to being sexually aroused or lustful. corollary (noun) [core-uh-lair-ee] – an expected, probable, or natural consequence due to another event, something that easily occurs after a certain thing, or an immediate outcome. “When you grope someone who dislikes you, the corollary will not be lascivious.”
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I've been a bit under the weather and by just a minute or two, missed my first class today this semester. I could have just walked into the classroom, but the Professor had shut the door, and it's very very VERY nerve-wracking to go in late. Since I didn't know just how far they had gotten and if he had already taken attendance (usually he has once he closes the door) I hesitated. It got to be a few more minutes later, and then I just left, because if there's anything worse than showing up late, it's showing up even later than that. Yes, I would not have lost as many attendance points if I had just came in late and took the pressure and embarrassing moment of interrupting the professor and being stared at, but I just couldn't do it. Social humiliation is a big fear of mine, though in this case, it would have been over in roughly a minute. (Plus the fact that anyone who was not on time prior to today just didn't show up to the class at all, so I would have been the first to be "late.")
Due to that little mishap, illness, and a late bedtime last night, I plan to go to bed early tonight.
I also really need to call Chris and get this relationship-hiatus turned into friendship. Bluntly, I need to officially break up with him. I care about him a lot, but the mere fact that I barely hear from him anymore is the biggest indication that he's not nearly as attached to me as I thought. He says he's just forgetful and distracted, but if I don't see him this weekend, it will have been 3 weekends since we last met in person, which would mean that there will be an entire month of separation, and just the occassional IM or phone conversation. (And that's only stating a month, it could end up being longer.)
Chris may feel attached to me and be upset by a breakup... but his lack of visible interest in me I have long since moved on from. I'm sorry, but laying in your bed or sitting on your couch is not the only time I want attention. I don't want to pressure him to be attentive... he should be attentive because he wants to be with me. Isn't that what genuine interest is? If so, then he doesn't exactly have it for me, or needs to pull himself together.
I hope very soon I can get this over with so I can fully move on. We don't really have anything that belongs to the other, so we should be ok.
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| Oh my! |
[04 Feb 2009|01:50am] |
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2009-February-04
opprobrium (noun) [uh-proh-bree-uhm] – essentially, it is the reaction of disgrace or reproach that is caused by something greatly shameful. “Opprobrium filled the jury when they realized that the wrong man was put to death by their decision."
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| Oooh, a word that describes censorship! |
[03 Feb 2009|12:35am] |
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2009-February-03
bowdlerize (verb) [bowed-luh-rise] – to remove or edit contents/materials that are considered vulgar, inappropriate, offensive, objective, et cetera, from something. “The comedian had to bowdlerize his act because he was performing for the president."
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Sometimes, one must remember to bowdlerize their speech and text, even if it's a good friend whom you are speaking with. Pick your battles and arguments, conflict is not always the best option.
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| A new word, and some words about me! |
[02 Feb 2009|04:10pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Varius Sister Act songs |
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2009-February-02
julienne (adjective (verb?)) [joo-lee-uhn] – cut into small strips, usually quite thin. (cooking related, refers to a way to cut vegetables and sometimes other foods) “Though I am very angry, I will not turn you into a julienne state."
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Ok, with the new word out of the way, lately I've been getting lazy. I'm trying to get to bed earlier though, and I hope it will help with my performance. It's surprising sometimes, but we have to face facts. Unless a group is working on something together, being around others does not make accomplishing things easier. It makes it more difficult. (That is, if you are even trying to accomplish any task you have while around friends or family.)
Now, though socializing isn't my issue, I need to keep it in mind. So far, I've been very lucky that despite laziness, it hasn't interfered with work or classes... that is, it hasn't interfered yet.
I am in week 4 of my classes now, the first three weeks went well, though I almost choked last week. However, guess what?
I had perfect attendance to all classes for 3 weeks. :D Though it seems a little silly to make a big deal out of, it is far better than I did last semester, and keeping up with assignments is a good thing, too.
My biggest thing to keep in mind now is to keep studying and accomplishing tasks daily (especially for my LGBT studies class). Though I have an escuse for last week, I managed to stay ok with classes and on top of my schedule. My excuse? I lost all of my keys on Sunday noonish, and it wasn't until Wed.-Thurs. that I got the two vital ones replaced. (dorm and car).
Though it seems illogical to me, as I have lots of freetime to loaf at night and maybe talk with friends online, bed by 12 to 1 is not a bad thing, and will dramatically improve my efforts and performance throughout the week. I also need to start eating breakfast again. Once I establish a foundation, I might be able to excercise at the gym, too.
I also have to figure out what's going to happen with Chris. I think he'll understand, but it's just a matter of breaking it to him.
So anyways, that's my life in a nutshell at the moment. Any comments? Any questions? Laundry duty calls me tonight, so if I can get on it right away after class, that'd be nice.
Toodles!
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| Late on getting the word posted! |
[01 Feb 2009|07:24pm] |
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2009-February-01
avuncular (adjective) [ah-vuhn-cue-luhr] – to be “uncle-like” or exhibit “uncle-like” qualities. “The professor was very avuncular towards some students; he would take them out to eat and to sports events."
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